Acceptance

Listen,

I'll never be
It.
I'll never be
In.
I'll never be
Good.
I'll never be
Cool.
I'll never be
Beautiful.
I'll never be
Fun.
I'll never be
Smart.
I'll never be
Loved.
I'll never be
Clever.

Never.

Just plain,
Just ordinary,
Just unworthy,
Just hopeless,
Just small.

Nothing else.
That's all.

To AJ

You made me stronger

Than I ever thought I'd be.

You made me a warrior, 

A nurturer and a jester.

- When tears in your eyes I see -   

You gave me a child's heart again,

Your smile makes me forget every pain.

You made me the person 

I was always meant to be.

You gave me a new name,

More precious than any other,

You named me "Mother".

The Woman Who Comes at Dawn

It’s 5am.

I know as soon as I hear the metallic, electrical sound of the rooster ringing progressively louder from my wife’s cell phone alarm. It’s her idea of a funny way to wake up, my idea of the most irritating sound on the planet. We’ve had our share of arguments over it in our three years of marriage, but she refuses to change it.

Without opening my eyes I feel her stretch next to me, reach for the cell phone on the night table and finally turn off the epileptic rooster. She gives out a little moan as she sits up. Her feet shuffle around on the floor looking for her slippers. Finally, putting them on, she steps out of bed. During the entire process she makes the bed move so much, it reminds me of how it quakes when she’s having an orgasm. As always, she leaves the room without turning on the light.

It’s not immediately after that that it happens. It usually takes about two or three minutes to occur. Almost as if to make sure my wife’s really gone. To make sure she’s really in the shower, with the sound of the running water blocking everything else out. It’s only then that the soft, low sound of a cat purring startles me, and I see her.

She’s standing in the right hand corner of the room, next to the window, directly across from me. It’s hard to make out all her features at first, but I know she’s completely nude. As soon as my vision focuses, I confirm it.

Like every day for the past three weeks, she’s here. Her long black hair curling over her small, well rounded breasts; just above the pink nipple. Her body is lean and tight, her stomach flat, and a few inches below the navel the small mound of matted pubic hair almost glistens. Whereas my wife’s eyes are just plain brown, hers are a deep turquoise blue-green.

She lurks in the corner for a moment, the light from outside the window falling over her face. Stealthily, the woman begins to move towards me.

I’m paralyzed. Unable to move a finger, all I can do is stare into her turquoise eyes as she approaches me, slowly. Just stare and feel myself grow hard.

“Why do you always come like this?” I think to myself, the same way I have every day for the past three weeks.

“You don’t really want to fight it”, her voice is in my head, smooth and soothing.

Wearing only a t-shirt and boxers to sleep, I can now feel myself poking out through the unbuttoned opening of my shorts and pressing against the covers. Now, the woman is right next to me and with a swift movement she removes the sheets and straddles my body. I’m plunged deep inside her. There’s no resistance. She’s right I didn’t really want to fight it. 

I lay there, honestly reveling in the sensation as she moves up and down on me. Every time this happens, it’s like something I’ve never experienced before. I mean, sex with my wife is good but she never made me feel like this. I feel this woman with all of me, like I’m completely inside her head to toe, warm and wet.

The woman looks into my eyes the whole time, looking deep into me. Her hair falls softly down the sides of her face, her breasts move forward and back slowly, almost touching her chin. Yet, her eyes are all I can truly focus my vision on. They make me feel suddenly vulnerable, like a child.  She nods slightly, and instinctively my mouth seeks her breast. I take the nipple into my mouth and suck. Milk flows over my tongue down my throat. It tastes salty and watered down but I can’t seem to get enough.

Trapped by her blue-green gaze, I suck and suck the milk from her breast. Her expression never changes, though. A barely there Monalisa smile remains on her face. Then, her smooth, soothing voice is in my head.

“Soon now”, she whispers, and with that, she pulls her nipple out of my mouth, a few drops of the milk falling on my chin, and I unload, almost painfully, inside her.

I hear the door knob turn and the door squeak a little as my wife opens it. Just as suddenly as she came, the woman is gone. My wife steps into the room wrapped in a towel, drying off her hair. She looks down and notices I’m awake. She flashes a big smile, showing all her teeth. 

“Time to get up”, my wife says.

I grunt, pull the covers over my head and turn my back to her. I feel her sit on the bed and continue toweling off the water from her hair. Outside the sun is spreading its light over the night’s darkness, and at the corner of the window a black cat curls its tail and wonders off.